


Forgiveness and Other Sins

by JadaBird



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us) Bonding, F/F, Forgiveness, Gen, Joel (The Last of Us) Lives, Original Character(s), Other, POV Ellie (The Last of Us), POV Joel (The Last of Us)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadaBird/pseuds/JadaBird
Summary: An AU where Joel and Ellie get to have their movie night. Rated M for language.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 120





	1. An Offering

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I'll get straight to the point. This story kicks off on the evening of the same day that the main story of Part II starts. Except there is one blaring difference here: Joel does not die. And that's pretty much everything you need to know. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Last of Us or any of the characters contained within it. That's all Naughty Dog and Sony.

“Hello? Earth to Ellie.”

Ellie abruptly tore her gaze from the spot on the other side of the diner that it had constantly been returning to for the past half hour and, after taking a second to regain her senses, settled it instead on the girl seated beside her. “Sorry,” she exhaled, shaking her head.

“It’s alright,” Dina replied with a smirk and a shrug of her shoulder. “Guess I’m just a little jealous that something other than me is occupying all of your attention.” 

Ellie’s heart skipped a beat. The flirtation was _real_. She almost felt like she could reach out and snatch it from the air if she wanted to. But even though her stomach was filled to the brim with excited little butterflies at the recent developments in their relationship, her mind was nevertheless elsewhere. She just looked down at her half-eaten plate of diner grub and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Hmm,” Dina pursed her lips and shot her a look that said she was calling the bullshit flag. Then, she lazily gestured towards one of the boys sitting across the table. “Well, Jimmy here would beg to differ.”

“Hey!” Jimmy snapped his head towards them, abandoning the side conversation he had been having with Marcus. He scowled at Dina, both in seriousness and joviality. “Don’t blame me for your nosiness,” he scoffed in defense. Then, he trained his eyes on Ellie, his fiery expression softening. “Ellie, you’re fine,” he said, holding his hand out as a physical reiteration of his words. 

“Thanks Jimmy, I appreciate that,” Ellie snorted, amused by his dramatic reaction.

“Anytime,” he replied with a wink, confidently leaning back in his chair and returning a toothpick to his mouth. He turned his attention back to Marcus, and the two boys continued their mildly heated debate over which camp trail was better for bringing dates.

“Idiot,” Dina sneered, quiet enough so only Ellie could hear. 

Ellie released a breathy laugh. “Look who’s talking,” she teased, bringing her hand up to lightly push against Dina’s shoulder in jest. In response, she raised both arms and dropped her jaw in a gesture of feigned offense. 

“Combative today, aren’t you?”

“No more so than any other day,” Ellie retorted with a snicker. She was planning to say something else after that, but a movement from that spot across the room yet again pulled her attention away from the conversation at hand. In the dim light of the diner, she observed a figure dressed in a tan jacket and thick blue jeans rise from a table. _Oh god,_ she thought as the butterflies that had been fluttering around in her stomach all merged together to form what felt like a large, lead weight. _Well, it’s now or never._

“Actually, I gotta go,” she said, leaning over to hastily unzip her backpack, which was sitting on the ground at her feet. Her hand dove in, shoveling through its unorganized contents for a few moments before finally procuring the item that she had been searching for. 

“Oh. Alright,” Dina timidly responded as Ellie jumped up from her usual spot at the table and clumsily slung her backpack over one shoulder. But after hearing the woe tinging her voice, she slowed down her frantic movements. 

“I’m sorry, I just—” she stopped mid sentence, nodding towards what she had been staring at all night long in an attempt to explain her departure. Dina followed her eyes to the figure moving toward the exit of the diner, and then glanced down to the item held within Ellie’s grasp. Her expression morphed into one of understanding. “I gotcha,” she said with a warm smile. In the next second though, she jabbed her in the ribs. “Have fun, alright.”

Ellie swatted her hand away, secretly relieved by the return of her playfulness. “Yeah, you too,” she said before pushing off from the table and walking backwards towards the door. “Just don’t let those two knuckleheads get you into too much trouble,” she called over the clamor of the densely packed diner. 

Jimmy and Marcus both flew their heads to the side, once again distracted from their fierce discussion. “Hey!” they yelled in unison this time, outrage flashing across their faces. Dina threw her head back in hearty laughter, and Ellie let out a giggle of her own before turning her body to chase down the man who had already exited the establishment.

Hot on his heels, she flew out the door behind him. Her body involuntarily shuddered at the bitter chill of the air outside the warm confines of the diner. She quickly scanned the immediate area and spotted him a few yards away, walking in the direction in which she knew his home to be. She elongated her strides to close the gap between them and, before fully catching up with him, concealed her hand behind her back. 

“Hey Joel, wait up.”

Joel’s head perked up as her voice rang out, and he abruptly ceased all forward momentum. He paused for a single moment, just planted there in the road with his back to her. But in the next beat, he turned around in a simultaneously swift and sharp motion, almost as though he was a puppet being commanded to move by invisible strings attached to his limbs. When his body once again fell motionless, he cast his sight down to her.

“Hey,” he said gently, calmly. The only indication of his surprise was in the slightly widened state of his eyes. _Oh man, oh man,_ she thought. _Here we go._

Deciding that it was probably best to make some attempt at an icebreaker before revealing the real reason why she had ambushed him on his way home, she quickly thought over her options. After a moment’s deliberation, she settled on the oldest trick in the book. She would start by asking him about his day.

“Heard you had to get up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning.” The wintry cold caused her breath to fog up around her face when she spoke.

“Yeah.” He responded, relaxing in his stance ever so slightly. “There were reports of infected up north, so Tommy and I left early to go check it out.” 

“How’d it go?”

“Was stormin pretty good up there, an’ we came across a few hordes of runners. But, it was nothin’ we couldn’t handle,” he replied with a shake of his head.

“That’s good.”

This was already one of the longest conversations they had in years. _What the fuck are you doing Ellie? You haven't thought this through._

Suddenly taking an interest in the small pile of snow at her feet, she tried to prepare herself for what she was about to say next. But before she could get out any words, Joel cleared his throat and spoke up.

“I, uh... I heard you were paired up with Dina today.”

Ellie snapped her eyes back to his, visibly shocked by his assertion. She recalled their conversation the night before, when he had asked if Dina was her girlfriend. _Oh, how so much has happened since then._ Not knowing what else to say, she simply replied: “Yeah, I was.” Her voice came out a little shakier than she would have liked for it to.

She prayed he wouldn’t ask her if they were together, because fuck if she knew how to respond to something like that. Surely she couldn’t deny it again, not after everything that happened in Eugene’s weed basement. But she still didn’t know what their relationship was - it was all so new. Wait, god, _were_ they together? After making out earlier that day, they had simply finished their patrol route and didn’t mention it again. But the way Dina was so openly flirting with her at dinner…. _Goddammit Ellie, focus!_ She snapped her attention back to reality. Then mentally punched herself, because approaching him was looking more and more each second like the worst idea she’d ever had. 

However, to her relief, his next question was much less pointed than she had anticipated. “How’d it go?”

She released a breathy laugh as she realized that she had just asked him the same thing not moments before. She playfully cocked her head to the side, knowing full and well what he was really asking. She resolved to answer his question with as little detail as possible, letting the implications she conveyed in her demeanor speak louder than her words. 

“It was good I guess,” she responded innocently, with a devilish smile.

“Hmm.” he nodded, a knowing grin gracing his features.

Oddly, Ellie found herself at ease. She had worried for the entire day about how this interaction would pan out, but so far it was actually going… dare she say, _well?_ Standing here in the present moment, she admittedly felt a little ridiculous looking back on her earlier fears. But could she really blame herself for that? Joel wasn’t exactly deserving of the benefit of the doubt. _So fucking far from it._ Nevertheless, the confidence she required in order to say what she had been planning was now coursing through her veins. Before she could convince herself otherwise, she decided to just spit it out. 

“Look, are you gonna be, uh, busy in an hour or so?” 

Joel, looking more than slightly taken aback by this change in the conversation, was a little slow on the uptake. “Don’t reckon I got anything planned.” He shifted his weight awkwardly between his feet, bringing his hands up to rest on his hips. “Whats up?”

“Oh nothing. I just—” In one fluid motion, she revealed the hand that she had hidden behind her back and cast her eyes downward to inspect the item that was grasped within its hold. “I found this out on patrol the other day,” she raised her eyebrows, “and it seemed like it was right up your alley.” 

She turned the copy of Curtis and Viper 2 towards him and brought her eyes hesitantly back up to his face. Which was completely void of all expression. He was just staring at the movie in her hands with his mouth slightly ajar, face unreadable. It was clear he was trying to mask whatever emotions were coursing through his body - and maybe overdoing it just a tad. But she still wasn't finished. _Oh god, here goes nothing._

“Wanna watch it?” Ellie asked with a shrug. Her nonchalant appearance betrayed none of the turmoil bubbling within her. She was surprised at her own resolve, and she mentally clapped herself on the back for keeping her shit together.

From an outside perspective, the exchange appeared innocent enough. She was just asking to watch a cheesy 80’s action film, after all. Nothing out of the ordinary. But of course, it wasn’t nearly so simple. _If fucking only._ No, this right here, this was not just a movie night. This was her first time reaching out, finally, after two years of radio silence. This was her attempt at the forgiveness she had mentioned just the night before. And this was the possibility of redemption for the both of them, as well as for their relationship.

Joel appeared to snap out of his daze. “I uhm—” He cleared his throat, visibly struggling to find the words. “I’d love to, kiddo.”

And with that, Ellie grabbed the movie with her other hand and extended it out to him like a peace offering. Like an offering of so much more. “Your place?”

Joel examined the item in her hand for a few beats, brow furrowed in thought, before accepting it. “Sure thing,” he simply responded.

“Cool,” she chirped, fiddling with her now free hands. 

They both stood there for a moment, just looking at each other. She wasn’t exactly sure what to say next; and judging by the reciprocal silence of the man in front of her, apparently he didn’t either. She sighed once, casting her gaze downward, and attempted to gather her bearings. But despite her best efforts, she could feel her tenacity slipping as her plan was now laid out in the open for all to see. It felt different when it was cooped up inside of her head, where the only person who could touch it was her. Now that she’d uttered the words, what had once been a mere thought was quickly transpiring into an eventual reality. 

She anxiously thought about how it would all go. _What the hell would we talk about? Would it ever be the same as it used to be? God, do I even want it to be?_

For a split second, she wished she could snatch the movie out of his hands and take back everything she had just said. Everything she had just offered him. But she knew that there was no going back now, even if she wanted to. _Fuck, do I want to?_

No matter. It was all useless anyway. She dug her grave; Now she had to lie in it.

When she hesitantly pulled her sight back to him, she thought she saw a slight glint in his eyes. A trick of the light, perhaps. However, upon further inspection, it was obvious that he was struggling to hold back a wave of tears from cascading down his face. And in that moment, all of the walls that she had built up around her mind came collapsing down in rapid succession. She was so focused on herself during this entire interaction that she failed to think about how _he_ would be internalizing her offer. As much stress as she felt in making these first steps on a long road towards potential forgiveness, she knew without a doubt that he was likely feeling even more intense emotions than she could comprehend. Being that he was on the other end of that metaphorical road, waiting patiently for her arrival to release him from the prison of the past. 

After all, the terms of their falling out had been set by her and her alone. She had made the decision to distance herself from him all those years ago, much to Joel’s dismay. And while this decision had largely been informed by her utter disgust at the atrocities he had committed in her name—making it so that she found it impossible to even be near the man—part of her knew that she had also separated herself from him in a simple attempt to make him pay for his sins. 

Due to the nature of her immunity, the weight of his selfish actions were actually hers to bear, for the simple fact that she was alive meant that the rest of the world was condemned. Joel, on the other hand, had gotten off completely scott free. He didn’t have to carry that terrible burden, even though he tried his damndest to convince her otherwise. So she took it upon herself to personally punish him in the only way she could. By completely removing herself from his life, thus inflicting on him the kind of loss he would have experienced had he not interfered at St. Mary’s Hospital that fateful day.

She thought back to the moment she finally learned the truth from him. _“Making a vaccine,”_ he had said, _“would’ve killed you.”_

 _Fine,_ she had decided. _Let’s pretend it did._

After a while though, her anger subsided and other, more complex feelings emerged. Rather than entering into a blind rage every time her thoughts drifted towards Joel, she eventually started to feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. Sadness at what he had stolen from both her and the world. Sadness at the fact that he had lied to her about it for so long afterward. And, eventually, sadness at the loss of their relationship. For a long time, she had convinced herself that she had not needed him. Gone were the days when she relied on somebody else for protection. But as time passed, it dawned on her that she needed him for things much deeper than that. She just needed... _him_. His presence in her life. 

It was a hard pill for her to swallow, but she genuinely cared for him, even after everything. While she still had a long way to go in truly understanding his perspective, she nevertheless felt happy knowing that this gesture alone meant the world to him. And hell, whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, it meant the world to her too. She missed him. 

_Goddammit, she really fucking missed him._

The decision had always been hers as to whether their relationship could ever be mended. Try as he might, it was not Joel’s prerogative to force her to a place where she would be open to forgive. She had to get there on her own. So all he could do was wait patiently at the end of that road with his arm gingerly extended out for her to take, if she so chose to. And now, finally, she was ready to make that choice. 

A warm smile spread across her features as she searched his glistening eyes. She thought she saw his face involuntarily twitch in response. She had probably just imagined it. Confidence once again restored, she spoke up. “Well, I’ll uh... I’ll see ya then I guess.”

“Yep,” he nodded. Only the faintest crack was evident in his voice.

And then she simply turned around on her heels and walked away, leaving him standing alone in the snow as the sun sank below the horizon to make way for the night.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_Is this actually happening?_

If someone had told Joel yesterday morning that Ellie would be asking him to watch a movie tonight, he’d have strung them up by their entrails for the cruelty of their assertions. Because that’s exactly what it would have been: cruel. He accepted a long time ago that she’d likely never want to speak with him ever again. Since then, any scrap of hope that she would ever forgive him for what he did at the Firefly hospital—as well as how he handled things with her afterward—was discarded time and time again. Because the only thing likely to come from that sneaky little bastard called hope was pain. And he’d felt enough pain in his life. 

So perhaps this was the reason why he was currently standing in the street gaping like an idiot at Ellie’s retreating figure, trying in vain to wrap his head around what had just occurred between them. Had he imagined the entire interaction? No, he thought, as his gaze fell to the movie he held tightly in his hands. Curtis and Viper 2. The proof that he hadn’t descended completely into madness. 

He had seen it a long time ago, back before the world turned to a steaming pile of dog shit. He actually remembered enjoying it quite a bit. But it was not Joel’s favorable reception of the film that had left him standing there in a dumbfounded stupor when she had offered it to him moments ago. It was the ramifications of what she was really proposing, as well as what it would mean for them going forward. He wrenched his eyes back up to the redheaded girl bounding down the road, releasing the breath of air that he had been holding during the entirety of their conversation. _Holy shit, this is actually happening._

From the second she first approached him, he had been locked in an internal struggle to maintain his normally stoic composure. One that he had been winning—for the most part—until she had shot him that crooked little smile of hers. It had been so long since he had seen it, much less seen it directed at him. And to know that he was once again on the receiving end of such a beautiful, quirky thing… Well, it had taken everything he had within him to not melt into the grimy snow at his feet right then and there. 

But as he now stood alone in the cold air outside of the diner, he realized that he had no reason to keep it all locked inside any longer. Before he could stop himself, a single tear escaped his eye and fell down his face, landing somewhere in his scruffy beard. He paid no mind to the other members of the community bustling around him, who may or may not have witnessed this rare moment of vulnerability. Frankly, he didn’t really give a shit. Hell, he didn’t even give two. But even so, he forced himself to stop at the single tear, before regaining his poise and mentally readying himself for what was coming next.

Now was not the time to let his emotions overtake him. Now was the time for his baby girl to come home. 

He snapped his attention back to reality, understanding the full importance of the coming evening. He couldn’t waste another moment; he already had so little time in which to make the necessary preparations for their movie night. Before he knew it, he found himself flying down the makeshift streets of Jackson leading back to his home, completely taken over by a feeling he thought he would never experience again. A feeling that he had completely barred from his life for the past two years out of his fear of returning to that deep, dark pit of pain he knew all too well.

Hope.


	2. A Series of Explosions

Ellie brought her hand up to the door and let it hover there for a second before dropping it back down to her side. She released a frustrated breath of air and cast her gaze downward, awkwardly shifting her weight from her right to her left foot. _What the fuck are you doing, Ellie_?

After departing from the diner earlier that evening, she had gone back to her place to get cleaned up from her long day of patrolling (amongst other things). She had taken a shower—which was freezing, but what else was new—and then sat at her desk to listen to music and draw in her journal—which was almost completely out of writing space, but again, what else was new. All things considered though, she had been surprisingly at ease. Up until her departure for Joel’s house, that is. It was only then that her anxiety started to get the better of her, immobilizing her limbs and twisting her stomach into uncomfortable little knots. Of course, she had told herself that it was because of the cold and no other reason. But that lie was already starting to wear off.

She turned around and silently paced the length of his porch as her mind conjured all of the ways that this reconciliation of sorts could go horrifically wrong. _What the hell are we even gonna talk about anyway? I haven't spoken to the dude in years, we’re probably both completely different people at this point. I know I am._ She clearly hadn’t thought this through. To add insult to injury, her mind then drifted to what she could be doing that night instead. _I could be out with Dina right now, and we could be... oh fuck me._

She nearly let her legs carry her right down the porch steps and away from the house, when her racing thoughts came to a sudden halt. 

_Don’t be a fucking coward. Don’t be like him._

She felt an immediate pang of guilt at the thought. But it nevertheless gave her the push she needed to carry herself right back to land in front of the door once more. She raised her head high, brought her fist up yet again, and knocked on the door with a conviction she didn’t realize she had within her. Almost instantaneously, she heard a muffled voice call to her from inside the house. “C’mon in,” it yelled. 

Palms suddenly sweaty, she brought her shaky hand down to the doorknob. _Fucking relax Ellie, this is ridiculous._ She closed her eyes and nodded reassuringly to herself, letting out one last, heavy sigh. But this time, it was in acceptance rather than defeat. _You totally got this._ Invigorated at her own strength, her eyes snapped open and a look of determination spread across her features. Then, she opened the front door and waltzed in like she owned the place. 

Ellie’s world was illuminated as warm light spilled across the worn patio. After stepping into the entryway, her nose registered a sweet chocolatey aroma wafting from the kitchen, where she guessed Joel momentarily resided. 

“I’m in the kitchen,” his voice rang out. _Knew it._ She closed the door behind her—thus exiling the bitter cold of winter that had mischievously followed her in—and snaked her way through the rooms and hallways leading to her host. 

Joel stood hunched over the counter with his back to her. Clad in a thick red flannel and dark blue jeans, he appeared to be pouring something from a small pot into some cups. 

“Hey,” she greeted, setting her backpack on the island that resided in the middle of his quaint kitchen.

“Howdy,” he replied, merry. As he said it, he turned his head to the side to visually acknowledge her presence. From her vantage point, she could see only half a smile gracing his features. Or actually less than half, since the scruffy beard he sported was also partially obscuring it from view. But she didn't get to admire it for more than a few seconds, for he had swiveled his head back around and was now meandering his way over to the sink - apparently done with his task. A cold sweat unceremoniously broke out on her brow. _Oh fuck, this is happening._ For a few seconds she just stood there tapping her fingers on the cold, flat surface of the island. _Say something quick before this gets awkward._

“Uh, what’s this,” she blurted, walking over to the place where he stood just a moment ago. Two medium-sized mugs filled to the brim with a frothy brown liquid sat on the countertop before her. The lavishly sweet scent she had picked up on when she walked through the doorway hit her senses yet again now that she was towering directly above its source of origin.

“Nothin’ really.” He shook his head. “Just remember how much you used to love hot chocolate.”

Her mouth dropped open in amazement. “How’d the hell d’you even—” She found herself at a loss for words. “Did you get this from that group from last week?”

“Naw, reckon I’ve been holdin’ onto this stuff for a while now.”

She shook her head in incredulity. “You really didn't have to do all this, you know. I wasn’t expecting you to.” Even though her words and demeanor didn't fully convey it, she was genuinely touched by the gesture.

Joel placed his left hand on the island and hung his head slightly to the side. 

“Yeah, I know.”

Ellie’s eyes settled once again on the two mugs sitting before her. One of them she recognized from when she had visited Joel the night before. She hadn’t seen it clearly in the dim light of his porch, but now under the fluorescent kitchen bulbs, she got a unobstructed view of the image painted on its face. It was simple, just an owl sitting on a branch. She couldn't help but think in that moment that nothing could remind her more of Joel. She wasn’t really sure why, but it was just so… _him._ She made a mental note to draw up a rough sketch of it in her journal later. 

The other mug, however, she recognized from years ago. It was dark purple with a delicate white and pink flower embellishment etched near the base. The entirety of the mug was covered with a glitter varnish, which caused the surface to gleam when it caught the light in the right way. The most noteworthy part of its appearance, though, was the sizable chunk of ceramic missing from the rim, an inch or so away from the handle. He had found it while out on a patrol during their first year living within the walls of Jackson. It was the mug she drank from the first time Joel had ever surprised her with hot cocoa back when she was fifteen. And it became the mug she would always use for any beverage she had during her regular visits over to his place. She immediately found herself lost within a memory she forgot she even possessed.

_“This is your surprise? A mysterious brown substance in a broken cup? Not to be ungrateful, but that's pretty lame Joel,” she complained wryly._

_Joel chuckled at her bluntness. “Aww don't be like that. Actually, that mug right there made me think of you when I found it.”_

_“What?” She laughed, looking down at the purple flowery cup in her hands. It was much too girly for her own taste, and she wondered what in the hell made him associate it with her. “How so?”_

_“The chip, it uhh… Reckon it reminds me of that scar of yours.”_

_He motioned towards the small scar she sported on her right eyebrow. A look of confusion washed over her features as she searched his eyes, waiting for the punchline. When it didn't come, she settled her quizzical gaze back down to the cup of hot chocolate in her hands. And then she saw it too, that tiny spark of familiarity she had with regard to her own face. As strange as it was, she understood what he meant._

_Maybe Cat was right. Maybe they were spending too much time together._

_“That's… kinda weird,” she announced, refusing to give him the satisfaction. “But as long as this tastes better than that coffee shit, I’m willing to overlook it,” she added teasingly, with a cock of her head._

_“Somethin’ tells me you're gonna be in for a surprise, little lady.”_

_“Oh, we’ll see about that.”_

She smiled fondly as she returned back to the world of the present. Then she looked back up to Joel, who simply nodded his head at the chipped cup before her. Motioning for her to help herself.

Ellie happily obliged, grabbing the beverage with both hands and slightly shuddering at the sudden warmth that it provided. Repositioning herself so that her lower back was leaning against the countertop, she methodically raised the mug to her lips. After taking a small sip, she brought it back down to rest comfortably in front of her chest.

“Well,” he raised his eyebrows. “How is it?”

“It's perfect.” 

And oh boy it was. It was fucking incredible. It took all of her strength not to down the entire thing right then and there. She tried in futility to remember the last time she had tasted hot chocolate. She couldn't place an exact memory, but the one thing she knew is that it had been years. And that it had probably been with Joel. 

In all actuality, delicacies such as the one she now held in her hands were incredibly hard to come by, being that it had been twenty-five years since the old world had ended. And when you did happen upon something of the sort, it was usually gone in a matter of days, if not hours. In a world where a can of uncooked kidney beans is considered a rather nutritious and tasty dinner, the willpower needed to save a treat such as this one for a special occasion is something that very few people possessed.

_Come to think of it, how long_ had _he been holding onto this_? 

Did he always intend to save it for her, for when she finally decided to try her hand at forgiveness? She understood with a start that the sweet cocoa powder would probably be sitting in his cupboard for years to come had she not taken the steps to initiate this reunion. He had likely saved it all in the _possibility_ that she would once again speak to him, let alone come over to his home for a period of time long enough to actually drink it. The thought warmed her heart just as much as the decadent, molten liquid warmed her body from the raging cold outside. 

She didn’t know what to say. She never was good at articulating her emotions. So, she just decided to settle on the most simple and concise way she knew to express her gratitude.

“Thank you.” Even though the two words seemed inadequate, they were enough. She sipped again at the drink in her hands, relishing in its decadence, as he made to grab his own helping of the stuff off the countertop. 

“I got everything set up in there,” he said, motioning with his hand in the general direction of the living room. “You wanna—”

“Yep. Yeah, sounds good,” Ellie interjected, snapping out of the momentary trance that the beverage had put her under. She didn’t linger for another moment before making her way to his cozy living room. 

As she traversed the short distance through his house, she was overcome with an unshakable feeling of nostalgia. That sense of familiarity, of _home,_ seemed to reside in everything her eyes landed on, in every fixture of her surroundings. It was in the pictures and drawings that sat on the shelves, in the paintings of horses that hung on the walls. It was in the hollow sound of her feet landing on the redwood floors, in the unique, musty scent that came with the place when he had first moved in. 

But for every element of the environment that was familiar, there was another that was foreign. She looked down to see the layer of dust that was collecting on the tops of the floorboards. Upward: the cobwebs that had amassed in the corners where the walls met the ceiling. And to the side: the long, snaking cracks that were sprouting in the drywall. All of those subtle, yet painful indicators that time had long since passed were everywhere she looked, reminding her that she was now a stranger in this place where she used to be a friend. A daughter. It sent a shiver down her spine, a feeling of cold emptiness replacing that warmth she felt seconds ago. 

_Why does this hurt so fucking much?_

The nostalgia kicked in yet again when she realized that the living room was still configured exactly the same way she remembered it. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the recliner in the corner, where she always sat during their movie nights of old. She figured it would only be appropriate that she continue the tradition now, especially since it meant that she would be taking up the least possible amount of space. Before settling down, she reached over the chair with her free hand and grabbed the blanket hanging over its back. She plopped down as gracefully as her stiff body allowed, holding onto her sparkly mug with one hand while using the other to drape the fuzzy blanket over her lap. Satisfied with the makeshift nest that she had created, she pulled her attention back upward to Joel, who had situated himself on the large beige sofa. “You ready?” he asked, remote in hand.

“Totally.” And with that, he clicked the play button to start Curtis and Viper 2. 

Although she had been worried she wouldn’t understand what was happening in the plot due to the fact that she’d never seen Curtis and Viper 1, it was clear in the first ten minutes of the sequel that this wasn’t one of those movies that required extensive knowledge of the characters and story. It was just a simple summer blockbuster, stocked full with enough flash, action, and gore to effortlessly occupy the space between them. Exactly the kind of movie she had hoped it to be when she stumbled upon it last week. Ellie relaxed in her recliner, allowing the bright lights and suspenseful music to lull the anxiety she felt when she had first arrived into a deep slumber. 

About halfway through the film, she averted her gaze from the screen to check up on Joel. In the exact second she turned her head toward him, his own swiveled around in her direction, making it apparent that the attention he was supposed to be paying to the movie was, in fact, partially devoted to her. _At least try to be conspicuous about it,_ she thought, laughing inwardly.

She darted her eyes back to the TV for a split second before bringing them back to his. “Well?” She delivered the single syllable in as long and drawn out a manner as she could muster.

He gave her a blank look in response, clearly confused as to what she was inquiring about. “What?” 

“Do you like it? The movie.” _Keep up, old man._

Understanding finally dawned on him. “Oh. Yeah,” he assured her with an enthusiastic nod of his head. “Actually saw it in the theater with Tommy back before the outbreak,” he reminisced. Then mumbled, as an afterthought, “Don’t think he enjoyed it too much, though…”

“Wait,” she stammered, cutting in before he could finish. “You’ve seen it before? Dammit, I thought—”

“Ellie.” She was scarcely able to make out his features in the flickering lights of the TV. But even so, she could tell that he had adopted a serious look. He continued. “I’m glad you found this one. Actually might be one of my favorites.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, unconvinced. “You’re not just sayin’ that?” Her tone was dejected.

“I’m not just sayin’ that.” His tone, though, was certain.

“Well, good.” She was still a little annoyed that he hadn't mentioned that he’d seen it before, but her nerves were nevertheless quelled by his assurance that he was enjoying it. Then, almost as if it were on cue, a series of cheesy screams and explosions pulled their attention back up to the screen. 

The last hour of the film played out in one gaudy, violent sequence that didn't let up until the screen cut to black and the credits started rolling. They didn’t talk again for the duration of the ending, as the action was so intense that Ellie could hardly focus on anything but the bright images flashing before her eyes. Although she had deliberately picked this film out of her deep-rooted knowledge of Joel’s interesting—if not questionable—taste in entertainment, she wasn’t all that surprised to find that she had absolutely loved it as well. They were just similar in that way. A way that Dina, as evidenced by her earlier criticisms that morning, clearly did share. _Loser doesn’t know anything. This shit was good._

After Joel tapped on the remote to turn off the television, Ellie’s eyes still lingered on the empty screen, willing it to blink back on and continue with the action. “That—” she paused for dramatic effect, “—was awesome.”

“You got that right,” he heartily agreed.

“Damn,” she yawned, stretching out her taut limbs in the process. She reluctantly tore off the blanket from her lap and pushed herself up to stand, disappointed to abandon her warm and comfortable post on his La-Z-Boy. Then, she looked down to the mugs they had both placed on the coffee table sometime during the movie and walked forward to pick them up.

Joel immediately sat up from his relaxed position. “What’re you doin’?” he asked, concern palpable in his voice. 

“I basically invited myself over. The least I can do is clean up the dishes,” she explained with a shrug.

“Ellie, you really don’t have to,” he said, rising from the couch in an awkward attempt to block her progression. 

She held her ground. “No really, I insist.”

He shot her a grave look, pursed lips and all. She returned it in an instant, stubborn as ever and ready for the challenge. Ultimately though, she was disappointed, as it only took a few seconds for his resolve to crack under the heavy weight of her stare. 

“Alright,” he sighed, yielding. “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it,” she said with a quick side smile before making her way to the kitchen. She wasn’t really surprised at how easily he had relented. Joel was never one to put up much of a fight when it came to her.

Positioning herself in front of the sink, she turned on the faucet and started scrubbing away at the mugs with an old sponge. Her ears registered the sound of footsteps behind her, and it was clear Joel was heading to the kitchen as well. He stopped just a few feet away; she tried not to think about how he was most definitely watching her from behind. She spotted a small rack to the right of the sink and started placing the dishes she had finished washing on top of it.

Over the spray of the water, his voice addressed her. “You been playing your guitar still?”

“Of course,” she replied with a grin, turning her head to the side so he could get a view of her profile. “Why do you even ask?”

“Just wonderin’,” he said, his voice ringing out at an octave higher than usual. Suspiciously higher than usual. Curious, she rested her dripping hands on the edge of the sink and—without bothering to turn off the water—rotated her upper body to face him. Scrutinizing his face, she saw that his eyebrows were raised, and his gaze rested on a spot somewhere to the left above her head. _Oh, are we playing games now?_

“What,” she asked in feigned seriousness, “is that supposed to mean?” 

He just shrugged his shoulders and let his eyes drop down to the floor. Adopting an expression that could almost be called innocent. She knew better. 

“Well, come to think of it, it always seemed like it was on me to prod your sorry ass into practicing the damn thing.”

_Ah, there it is. That fucker._

“Hey!” Ellie barked. “I happen to have developed my skills quite nicely without the need for your prodding, thank you very much.” 

“Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it,” he quipped.

“Okay old man,” she chuckled, shaking her head. 

And just like that, in this one exchange, they found themselves transported back in time. A time when the dialogue between them was endlessly effortless, and it took little more than a few witty words to get them laughing like idiots in each other's presence. A time when it seemed like nothing could ever come between them and question their unbreakable bond. A time that both of them wished to return to, knowing full and well that it would be impossible.

Regardless, they resigned themselves to be content in the present moment, in the knowledge that the distance between them maybe wasn't as vast as it had once appeared. It was clear that their relationship would never be exactly how it used to be, but perhaps that’s not what either of them needed. Perhaps they could find a way to build a new relationship around the mountains that would forever exist between them. And that would be good enough.

Warmed at the thought, Ellie saw this as a perfect moment to instigate the next phase of her plan. “Actually, speaking of my guitar, I saw that the Ridge was on the list for next week’s patrols, and…” She vigorously scrubbed the small pot that he had used to make the hot chocolate in an attempt to quell her nervousness. “Well, I never actually got around to replacing the strings, and I’ve been thinking about how there's that music store back there.” She made one more swipe of the sponge over the pot before giving it a final rinse. “Would you want to maybe go with me and see if we can’t find some?”

_Jesus Ellie,_ she thought with a ping of embarrassment. _Diarrhea of the mouth much_? Before she could be too critical of herself though, he was already replying. 

“That sounds— ” Joel cleared his throat, obviously out of his depth. He tried once more. “I reckon I’d be up for that.”

“Cool,” she said nonchalantly, attempting to play off her second major proposal to him today as casually as she could. For both of their sakes. She set the pot down on the drying rack next to the now spotless—but not quite so chipless—mugs. 

“We can work out all the details during Sunday’s patrol meeting if you want,” she suggested.

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Having finished the few dirty dishes, she turned off the faucet and dried her hands with the dish rag Joel always had laying about. She then picked her backpack up off the island and slung it over her right shoulder, bringing one hand up to rest lightly on the strap. The other hand she placed behind her on the faux granite as she shifted her weight to lean against the edge of the countertop.

Joel was positioned with his back leaning against the island and his arms lightly crossed over his broad chest. His face was hard to read. But if she squinted her eyes, she thought she could see a smile tugging the corners of his mouth upward just the slightest bit. She let her own mouth mirror the same movement, which promptly brought his phantom grin out in full force. And as they sat there, smiling at each other like their relationship had never been marred by estrangement, Ellie knew beyond a shadow of doubt that they were both appreciating what had happened there tonight between them. And both thinking about what the future would hold. 

“This was good,” she finally said. 

She could have sworn she saw a telltale twinkle in his eyes. “Yeah, it was.” 

“We should do it again. Soon.”

“I’d like that,” he murmured, nodding.

Feeling like this was as good a time as any to wrap things up, she turned to make her way to the door. But before she could even make it even two steps, something buried deep inside her halted her movement. She stopped, turning back around to face him. She had one more thing to say. 

“Look, I know that this whole forgiveness deal is kind of on me. But… you know, feel free to….” She internally struggled to find the right words. _God, why is this so goddamn difficult. Just spit it out, Ellie._ “If you ever want to do anything, you can always ask,” she sputtered finally, searching his face. “I mean, I’ll probably say yes,” she added with a lighthearted smirk.

“Okay,” he responded, nodding his head. “That’s…,” he paused, clearly thinking deeply about the extension of trust she was giving him in that moment. “I appreciate that.” 

It seemed silly that she had to give him her permission to approach her. But such were the strict terms of their separation, terms that she had set years ago. While the weight of their reconciliation rested largely on her shoulders, this was a journey that they ultimately had to make together. And they couldn’t do that if she was the one who instigated every interaction they had going forward. After all, how could they properly move on if the new relationship they built was perpetually one-sided? That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Especially not to him.

“Alrighty, I should probably get going then,” she announced, finally feeling satisfied enough to throw in the towel and call it a night. “Thanks for, you know, having me.”

“Anytime kiddo.”

Taking this as her cue to leave, she turned around once more and made her way toward the door. Joel followed a few steps behind to see her out. Ellie chuckled inwardly at his attempt at chivalry. _Always the gentleman._ When she eventually found herself at the threshold, she gingerly reached out and grasped the door handle. Then she looked up at him one last time. 

She didn't know if she was the kind of person that was even capable of forgiveness. All of this was still so… new. And although the night had passed in her mind as a success—as endearingly awkward as it was at times—she didn't know if she had it within her to move on from everything that had happened between them and build a long term relationship with this man she once saw as a fatherly figure. 

But looking in his eyes in that moment, she knew only one thing. She wanted to be the kind of person who could try.

After what felt like an eternity—but was in all actuality only mere seconds—she spoke again. 

“Have a good night.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A shaky smile spread across Joel’s features. _If only you knew, baby girl, this was the best one I’ve had in years._

But before he could say as much, she opened the door and disappeared into the cold, dark night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your feedback in the comments!


End file.
